The Funny Princess
by MarinaMoon
Summary: Come and meet Princess Meredith and her family. Most of all spent time with this troubled 17 yo. What trouble can a princess get into really? A great deal more then you ever imagined!
1. The Funny Princess ch1

Disclaimer: The following fan fiction is based on Tamora Pierce Tortall books. The original idea was taken and changed from a story in the Firebirds anthology. The characters in this story are mine though some of the setting is not. The setting is Tammy's. The country, town and village names etc... belong solely to me. I had no choice but to use my imagination. (Sigh). This story takes place two years after Aly was stuck in The Copper Isles. It's very separate from all the usual stories I write. Enjoy!

**The Funny Princess**  
By: Marina L. July 2004  
  
Varan was a country to the right of Maren and just a little bit bigger in size too. Its capital was Vasra. Other cities near the capital include Rane, Leakem, Aranof, and Baras. The rest are positioned much farther away from the center of Varan. The King and Queen where good to the land and their people. They did their best after the terrible war with Scanra ended, at least in their part of the world.  
  
Princess Meredith of Varan sat at her window looking out towards the courtyard. She watched nobles her own age that of 17 years laughing and running. They where having fun outside while she was stuck indoors. Princess Meredith thought she was ugly by even her own standards. Why, why ... was she born not resembling either of her handsome parents. All her brothers and sisters where beautiful, while she had slanted drab brown eyes, green yellow hair that was always tangled and her body was thin as a rod. Not forgetting of course her slight height at of 4ft 5 inches when everyone else was 5ft something. And worse much more gruesome then this was that she had bad luck. Why oh why did the Gods gift her with this wretched form. So what if she could fight as well as a man. You could not very well escape weapons practice with Allar could you, no you could not. Her father King Matheum had made training for women as well as men a decree. Her mother Queen Saralla who could fight just as good as her husband whole heartedly agreed. Meredith being the princess just made things worse. She was okay with a sword, good with staff, lance, and knife. Furthermore, she could track, camp, ride, and hunt by herself. But no that was not all. She knew all the plants and herbs in Varan and could easily create a satisfying meal from just the Gods giving earth. She sighed morosely and turned away from the window.  
  
Pacing near her bed she continued her despairing thoughts. "Meredith, you are a clots" she whispered to herself. It was her rotten luck that made her the laughing stock of every situation among others. She desperately wished she could be like any one of her siblings. Joshem was the oldest and training to rule the kingdom in dads place when the time comes. That will probably be in forty or more years Meredith thought and giggled quietly. Her second oldest brother Thamaes and third oldest sister Judara both where studying to be mages. She could hardly get in a word to either of them of her troubles. Anything other then mage knowledge went into one ear and came out the other, at least when it came to her discussing something with one or the other sibling. At that thought Meredith grinned, her mood lightening slightly. Her forth sister on the other hand just liked to look pretty. She was and is an amazing seamstress. All the attention of the young men center around her and her friends. "I mean why should it not, they are the most beautiful of the country," Meredith growled angrily. All her siblings where perfect in body and mind while she had people just laughing at her. "What is up with that?" she screamed in frustration. Then took slow deep breaths of clean slightly scented air and tried to relax.  
  
They call her gallant as if she was a boy, humph the nerve of the lot, the princess grumbled silently. This of course had nothing to do with the fact she was the youngest daughter out of five children all together. She sighed wistfully letting out a long soft breath of air. Why couldn't she have what her parents had and still continue to have. Her father King Matheum and mother Queen Saralla love each other very much. From the first moment they saw each other there was a connection between them. She loved hearing this tale from her lovely mother. The kings and queens marriage was way out of the bonds of nobility but they where and still are truly happy. Her mother Saralla was not born of nobility but her spirit is nonetheless nobler then any other titled lady of court. Princess Meredith so wanted just that for herself a man to love her as she loved him, but it would never be and thus she despaired. And that is how she fell asleep that night, tossing and turning with dreams of her troubles, her ugliness.  
  
The following day was bright and shiny. A cool breeze drifted through the air ruffling the leaves and branches of trees near the large estate of the king and queen of Varan. Meredith woke up early to practice with weapons master Allar. He was very tall and broad of chest. Much bigger then her beloved father. But Allar and King Matheum where even more different then that. Of course, they had some similarities but others rarely noticed these. Allar was 6ft 5 inches tall her dad but 2 inches shorter. As she visualized the two men side by side Meredith could not help a giggle that escaped from her closed lips. Sadly that cost her a loss to Allar who was scowling furiously at her and waving his fists in a threatening manner. Meredith groaned, "oh she had to be day dreaming at a time like this. She was so going to get it in the next bought." The princess groaned again as she saw her teacher walking towards her with swords. That's it, she was doomed. Allar was way better in using steel then she was yet. So far she was an okay student but far below her potential as Allar would yell at her in his frustration.  
  
As Meredith was thinking and walking to face Allar she never noticed the small rock in front of her. Splat she went into the moisturized ground mixed with mud. Her mouth full of........Ahhhhhhhhhhh. "I think I am going to be sick," she said while spitting out the gunk in her mouth and at the same time using her hands to clean her face. Her practice clothes for this day where green with brown leave patterns, and they where ruined. As Meredith blinked her eyes and rubbed them so she could see Allar meet her now wide eyed gaze. All she could hear from him is "Tsk, tsk, tsk" but she did see all too clearly his disappointment in her. And then behind him she at last saw a group of man and woman her own age all laughing at her. Of course, what else did she expect. 


	2. ch 2

Meredith firmed her jaw and stood up. She faced her opponent head on and miraculously won her first fight with a sword against her mentor. Allar stood grinning at her proudly and thumping her back sportingly. A blow like that should have sent her flying face first but she was stronger then she looked. The ten youths who watched ran or walked to congratulate her on her victory all still laughing.

The moonlight came through the windows in the silver throne room. It shined on an onyx statue that stood in place of the throne. The large sculpture was of an evil mage who was defeated after 20 years of battle. It has been many centuries sense that last day of war. One of the royal family's ancestors Arthurem had defeated this terrible evil. The present king liked to come in here and think, but he has not done that in 3 years now. He has been busy patrolling his land watching for bandits and enemy armies. Some Scanran's from the army still caused trouble in small groups of bandits in the kingdom.

Princess Meredith made her way to the throne room on silent feet. She was

axousted from her weapons practice and could not sleep. She thought that the silver throne room could help her chaotic mind to settle. It was the largest room in the palace. And the view from it was spectacular. She watched the halls as she hurried to her final destination. No one was about at this time of night. She had no candle with her because she knew where to go. This place was and still is her home ever sense she was born. Meredith knew it just like she knew the back of her hand.

She slowly opened the white gold door. Thank goodness it did not creek. As she stepped fully into the room her hands where seized from the back and her mouth covered by a large strong hand. A male voice whispered into her left ear "Not a word boy you hear me. Not a peep out of you shall I hear. I'll kill you in seconds if you scream." Meredith's mind screamed in ratios indignation BOY…….BOY. I am no boy you moron. But then again she was dressed as a boy due to the weapons practice she had had earlier that day. The princess nodded her head in affirmation. She would be silent. The man released her mouth and hands putting a knife to her neck. She gulped at the feel of the blade next to her skin. Just great, wonderful. Why did she always get herself in these situations, she muttered quietly to herself. "Move" the man growled pushing her forward and almost cutting her neck. "Back way out, lead on boy" he whispered still having a hint of threat in his deep voice. With her head free and the moon's light shining clearly she saw wide eyed that the statue was gone from its usual place. Meredith gulped now realizing who the man behind her, holding her captive was.

She was in shock as she guided her kidnapper through and from her home. The princess could not believe that she was being kidnapped by none other then the bloody statue which was now a very real life breathing man. As she walked steadily outdoors she saw the dark blue almost black robe glittering with moons and stars that her captor the evil mage wore. Meredith scowled trying to remember his name. She did not notice the tree limb in front of her and went down flat on her face. The mage chuckled and put away his sharp weapon. "Come on" he said still laughing at her. She growled and swiped at his hand. Slowly she got herself upright then took a step and fell flat on her back. The mage laughed harder trying to cover the sound with his hands. Meredith grumbled but stood up and then began to walk forward her eyes only looking at the trees in front of them. Her hands though where trying as best as they could to clean her already stained clothes. The mage followed her snickering off and on. "Shut up" she growled to make him stop but that only increased his laughter.

When they entered the forest and where concealed by the trees he stopped laughing. By that time princess Meredith had remembered his name. It was Bradonith Dark. She shuddered not in fear but at the horrible name itself. What mother could give her child such an ugly name. Why, it was just cruel she thought distractedly. "Come" the command came briskly. She sighed tiredly but followed the man through the dark and shadowed trees.

It took them all night and a little part of the morning to walk through the forest. Meredith had dropped as many pieces of clothing as she could without being seen or winding up naked. Bradonith still thought her a boy which she guessed to be good. He changed directions faster then a snake attacked. She was tiered and starving and wanted to rest. When they finally made it into a clearing two miles from the town of Morning Glory she sat or fell to the ground. Bradonith turned around and scowled down at her, she at the same time scowled up at him. "I am tiered. We have been walking for hours. I am taking a rest" she told him defiantly. After a time his scowl vanished. He nodded in agreement and smiled tiredly himself. He sat down slowly onto fresh smelling grass and sighed contentedly. Then he quickly opened his eyes and looked at her. "Boy, what year is this" he asked sharply. "Its 464 H.E." Meredith replied curiously. He nodded his head in understanding. "Then I have been asleep a veryyyyyyyyyyyyyy long time" he whispered softly. She sighed and nodded in affirmation. They sat like that quietly for hours neither one moving from their spot or saying a word.


	3. ch 3

It was almost dark. The daylight would be gone in just a couple more hours. Bradonith got up off the ground and dusted himself off. Princess Meredith soon followed with a shrug of her small shoulders. She could not fight him anymore. This was inevitable. Morning Glory was a hill away only a few more steps to walk to. But they would not be stopping in an inn. Meredith felt this deep down in her tiered and sour bones.

"Come on. Move it" the mage said roughly and did not wait for her as he headed towards town. Meredith muttered under her breath about the no courtesy old men and tried to catch up. She mused to herself on her way of how her captor was not as bad now as he was when he kidnapped her. But then again he could be playing a sick mind game with her. She must remember not to let her guard down because Bradonith was an evil mage after all.

They made it to Clear Glass Inn in less then an hour. Bradonith told his captive to wait outside because this would not take long. Meredith fumed as her captor went inside the cozy looking building. The inn was clean with yellow curtains hanging from the windows. Mouth melting scents where wafting through the open kitchen window making her stomach rumble in hunger and appreciation. "This was not fare" Meredith whispered. Then she watched as the wicked mage stepped out of the inn with a medium sized bag and flirted shamelessly with the maid. How rude the princess thought. But things only got worse when Bradonith kissed the woman's hand and said his farewells. Their two horses where already brought to them by a short stable boy.

"Your disgusting" Meredith said to the black mage completely appalled. "Oh" Bradonith replied cocking his head to the left. "Why do you say that, boy" he asked in a neutral tone. "You where shameless. Shameless. Kissing her hand like that and smiling at her. Yuck. Don't you know what year it is. Gees. Normal people don't kiss hands. God." All of this was emitted by Meredith in a rush with a tone of riotousness. The mage's eyes had widened as she ranted. Now though he was laughed at her and shaking his head. The princess fumed even more and shut her lips. She very much wanted to strangle Bradonith at that moment. But it was to be denied her yet again as she fell on her rump when some horses with riders passed her by.

Bradonith laughed even harder. He could not help it. The boy was better then any jester he ever met. Still there was something about him that was off. Well no matter, it was not important. "Mount up lazy bones" he told the furious lad who was now standing and dusting himself off. Meredith scowled at her persecutor and got on her brown horse. And they where off once again to God knows where.

The dark mage never once stayed on a straight coarse. There where always twists and turns on their journey. They did not talk. Both where lost in thought. She missed her family. Before she hardly thought of them but now. Well, being so far away from home really put a new spin on things. Meredith missed her parents the most. She wondered if her mother was looking for her. With her rotten luck she probably wasn't. A small sigh escaped the princesses lips. After that there was no more sound except from their surroundings.

Bradonith wondered what the boy was thinking. Shaking his head silently the mage got rid of that thought. Why should he care what the lad thought. He was nothing anyway but his hostage, that was it. Still he should call the lad something. Turning his head to the right to ask Bradonith stopped. Frowning slightly he said to himself; I'll ask him later. Tightening his lips into a straight line which did not diminish from his handsomeness the mage thought of his time as a statue. Shuddering, he halted those thoughts and began to drift instead. It was better then remembering his imprisonment.


	4. News Only page

Thank you for reading my 2nd Tammy story. It means a lot. 0)

Fan List: PurpleNinjaWarrior, Almost Lost Kitten, Elyne.

**Answers to Questions**

To: PurpleNinjaWarrior

I am glad you like the 1st chapter. Yes I will be continuing the story. Please bare with me. I am writing 8 different works at the same time thus, I am just a little nuts at the moment. 0P

To: Elyne

Thanks so much for your support. Three new chapters will be put up as soon as I get time.

**Updates**

Fans please be advised that I will be reposting all the chapters to this story. Their will be some changes and editing. Plus the new chapters will be posted as soon as I write them and have time to post them. Please be patient. Thanks.

Marina


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